• No One Reliable At Home: People have parts—Gremlin parts, Child parts, Parent parts, parts from Mom, parts from Dad, parts for handling the police, parts for only speaking about logistics, Red- / Blue- / Green- / Yellow-brain parts, and on and on. There are also Adult parts. Over the course of initiation, transformation, and practice, the Adult parts in a person strengthen and broaden so that when you say "Hello" to such a person and they say "Hello" back, it is obvious that you are speaking to the Adult. You can build a relational foundation with such a person, can negotiate intimacy, can make agreements. You might even say that there is something "real" here in this Adult part. When a person has a Disjointment Strategy, there is nobody home to say "Hello" to. There might be a disarming, thoughtful, powerful, empathetic, sweet Adult mask—and a convincing one at that!—but this is just part of the show, a façade cobbled together from watching how other people do the Adult thing. Disillusionment about the Adult mask occurs in many ways. One key is that over time, you hear, see, or detect "slips." Slips are actions, comments, or other moves that reveal the inner world and workings happening behind the Adult mask. Often, it ain't pretty. The disparity between the Adult mask and the inner world can be so shockingly great that it is jarring for an outside observer to witness. It might even seem like something is out of joint. That's because it is.
• A Life of Being Betrayed:
• A Trail of Bodies:
• Paranoia: "Who's after me? Who's talking about me? My ears are burning. Someone must be talking about me. I'm on the outside. They're on the inside. Do they notice this? Can I trick them into thinking I'm on the inside? Someone's coming. Ok, just smile and say hello as they pass. (Hello!) Did they notice? They looked at me funny. No, I think I fooled them this time."
• A History of Being "Kicked Out:"
• Built-In-Forgetter: This term comes from a share a woman made during a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) many years ago. The share went like this: "I've been coming to AA for 25 years. I keep coming. Why? Because it's called alcohol-IS-m, not alcohol-WAS-m. And, I've got a BUILT-IN-FORGETTER. I remember why I'm sober the moment I step foot in the meeting. But give me 24 hours, and I start forgetting..." The Disjointment Strategy also comes with a built-in-forgetter. A process happens, a person recognizes that their paranoia and teamless-ness are illusions, the crack begins, and then a few hours go by, and BAM... the built-in-forgetter kicks in, and everyone's the enemy again.

 Fearcraft, the book, is not published yet. It could still take a while for Thoughtware Press to make the book ready.

In the meantime, there are things you can do to prepare yourself for reading the book.

The first thing we think of is: participate in Fear Club.

There are so many astonishing things to experience while exploring the inner territories of Conscious Fear.

And the perfect place to experience these things is in the held and navigated safe space of Fear Club.

Fear Club connects you in with a Team of fellow 'fear explorers', doing Experiments, meeting Challenges, staying at The Edge and finding out what is really going on. This is the Path of becoming Radically Responsible for your Fear.

By finding out what is going on, you simultaneously discover what is Possible.

And, what is Possible that you were not aware of before, could inpire you to live more in accordance with who you are and what you are here to create rather than scratching out some kind of life for the purpose of avoiding fear because you have labeled the experience of fear as 'bad', 'negative', or 'dangerous'.

Fear Club brings you through this popular but swampy maze into new territory, where your Fear empowers your Agency as an Adult by providing you with timely energy impulses and insightful relevant information. Rather than blocking the experience of Fear at all costs, you become Fear, breathe Fear, ride your Fear like a Dragon that you were once afraid of, but empirically discover to be your best friend.

Perhaps by the time you participate in Fear Club once or twice, and become a Fear Club Spaceholder yourself to help others transform their relationship with Fear, the book will be finished!

A few notes on the Disjointment strategy... from Devin Gleeson.

At least two people I used to spend time with who had the Disjointment strategy also had a special relationship with non-human forces or realms. I was often suspicious of their claims about these non-human forces, because they would get messages from these forces at times that were very convenient for the protection of their Survival Strategies. A crude example would be something along these lines: Someone shares confronting feedback with the Disjointment person, and soon after, the Disjointment person gets a message 'from the stars' (or whatever) that the person sharing the feedback is in some way evil. This could happen even with friendships they'd had for years.

I have heard something similar in the way one person talks about ECCO... "ECCO took me away from this ecovillage so that I could go to the next Gaian project..." My detector translates this as something like, "I cannot connect authentically, and when that becomes obvious to the people I'm with, I disappear."

The people I am now referring to as using the Disjointment Survival Strategy I have previously called Borderline. Gosh, I feel sad to think of some of these people, since I have loved them and seen both how trapped they are, and how powerless I am to do anything in the face of their Strategy.

One of the other people I knew was a colleague at a tech company I worked for. Over the course of maybe two years of knowing her, she very slowly revealed different parts of her Underworld to me (eating disorders, self-harm, spite, envy in the sense that Shakespeare called 'green-eyed envy'). What was striking to me was how deeply distinct her Underworld was from the face she showed to the world. My scanning is hopefully more refined now, but at the time, it was shocking to me.

Looking back, I think what also disturbed me is that I could not locate a stable thing in her. There was the Face-I-Show-The-World, there was the Evil-Underworld, there was the part of her that might be smashed to smithereens in hysteria, but there was no one there I could say, "Hello," to, in a manner where that person would clearly say, "Hello," back to me.

I heard the the word 'unreliable' used as a descriptive, and it fits. This is exactly what I am missing in such people, a part that is reliable.

"Disjointment or remembering a time before the time"

Can you remember a time and space where all needs are fulfilled? I mean all needs. All needs of all your 5 bodies?

I could not until recently.

Fulfilling my needs. Thinking about fulfilling my needs. Making plans about fulfilling my needs. Meaning most of the time sensing a lack. Sensing something missing.

This was familiar for me, most of my lifetime, most of my adult lifetime doing so with the approach of doing the work to fulfill my needs.

But what are my needs? That which I assumed I needed to be fulfilled. That which I collected in the quest of being fulfilled…

It is endless and exhausting. What "it" am I talking about? What I mean is being on a quest and not getting any further to where I want to be. An ocean of sadness filled by the small sadnesses all along the way of wanting to be nourished, wanting to be nurtured, wanting to be taken care of.

A lifelong longing inside of me to be in connection, be in relating, to simply be and a collection of not getting there, not getting it, not getting any further.

Relating spaces are a beautiful playground or battlefield for the quest to experience this heart need.

This is where I realized it in the most painful, most intense way outside of me, what is already happening inside of me.

Being taught and learned at a young age to observe myself, and by that, I mean observe my emotions, feelings, thoughts, and behavioral patterns and dynamics in my life, I created this neutral observer outside of me who can see clearly, at least most of the time. And writing that, I know this is bullshit and absolutely not true but just a story to create this illusion of having control over what feels sometimes as absolute madness in life.

I noticed over the course of time that I have this part in me that is attracted, drawn to and with admiration for strong, dangerous, adventurous wild women. That part loses itself in the exotic dream world of how life would be and could be with such a woman by my side. I called that part later on the "Spiritual Adventurer." Later, more about that fellow.

And in all relating spaces which I called relationships until very lately, I realized there is an opposing part that feels threatened by such a strong, dangerous, adventurous and wild woman. This part had the tendency to suppress a woman that showed these behaviors. I called that part "Reihenhaus Dad."

If you are not familiar with the German word Reihenhaus, I am sure you get it when I paint you a picture. Have you seen these houses that are built the same, sometimes entire roads or communities with the same shape, same amount of garden, same parkway, sometimes with the same cars parking in front of the houses? A Reihenhaus is exactly that type of building, and a Reihenhaus Dad is exactly a man who you imagine to live in such a habitat.

These two parts are in conflict with each other and draw others into the conflict. As I have stated earlier, "battlefield," and this describes best how my "relationships" felt for myself and the partners at that time. The love that has been there has been killed, shot in the heart. The aliveness has been chased away, and a dictatorship of a rigid regime killed every glimpse of connection and spread a culture of emotional fear of punishment, torture, and connection.

Harsh pictures?

My inside for a long time.

An ocean of sadness engulfs me due to this unfulfilled need to connect, relate, and be in intimate spaces. It is covered up by a wall of anger built around the stories I've created about my own abilities to be in intimate relating and the people I have related to. Numbed with fear, not knowing how to bring into my life what a sensitive part of me has longed for so intensely. All I can perceive are these shattered pieces of hope and a withdrawal of my own will to risk being vulnerable and in relating. Tears still run down, marking the pain of being a prisoner of myself.

During a recent "Building Love that Lasts" Study Group Call, I shared my observation about these two parts inside of me and what they are doing in my relating spaces and that I don't know how to go to the next step. I was introduced by Clinton to the Rejointment Process and have been asked if I wanted to take the commitment of finding a spaceholder for that process.

Yes was the only answer that was aligned with my commitment towards healing and creating intimacy and relating.

I found a spaceholder exactly the right spaceholder, and we arranged a time and date. I was warned to take time and space to integrate the process. The process, in short, is going before the time when I have decided to split parts inside of me because of the pain of the situation and re-member these parts and rejoice the time when they were one.

I felt scared, not knowing what will happen. I mean, we are talking about two parts inside of me that are in conflict with each other but don't know if each other's existence, and depending on which part is running the show creates a completely different experience and relating for myself and my partner.

Gabriela Fagundes helped me to discover and experience these two parts more in all of my 5 bodies.

And it became obvious that the Reihenhaus Dad is exactly what I decided to take on to deal with “the craziness of women”. That “craziness of women” was what I have learned from the men around me. My father, my grandfather, and sadly I have to say all of the men I learned from as a child and later on as a grown-up.

The spiritual adventurer is a very sensitive, present part that suffered a lot from the culture I experienced with the men´s in my family and later on in my life and my juvenile years in street "gang" culture.

I was able to experience the play and strategy that played out between them and the dynamics this brought into myself and relating spaces.

The spiritual adventurer decided that the longing and need could only be fulfilled by the presence of a woman, especially by a strong, dangerous, adventurous and wild woman who is stronger than the culture that caused me pain.

The Reihenhaus Dad saw no other option than the life in this small quad as the men's world he knew is destructive and threatening, and women are “a danger” as “they cause all the trouble” so they needed to be suppressed or sedated to be calm, understanding, caring… all what a strong, dangerous, adventurous and wild woman is not in the first place for that kind of guy or maybe more precisely uninitiated boy.

I rejoiced the essence of being and could sense the inner pull from the other parts, along with the conflict it stirred within me.

We then went to the time before I created these two parts, and I landed in the woumb of my mother at maybe 3 months of development, and at that time, every need was taken care of. Experiencing this and staying there opens up a door to a space I did not know since the time before I was born.

I could experience this place where all needs were fulfilled and stay there, and this is a new reference point now in my life.

A warm liquid flowed from my physical center up to my heart space, accompanied by a radiant transcendent light in my head region. Simultaneously, a gentle bubbling, like a wave of small sadness, pulsed within this small, floating physical body. In that moment, the quest to discover the meaning of this sadness was palpably present.

I took my time to integrate after the process and proceeded at a slow pace.

The changes are subtle and at the same time deep and impactful. Best I can describe it is that I feel whole and free of conflicts, and I have new abilities in relating spaces. I fell more connected to myself and can relate more easily. No more blocking fights going on inside of me.

I feel joy about the simplicity, peacefulness, and ease that I experience since then.

I am exploring this new me and the life it has for me to offer.

When it sounds familiar to you that there are opposing parts inside of you that create conflicts inside of you and in your life, I invite you to get to know these parts more, write about them, give them names, describe their qualities, specialties, motives and so on. And when you want to take one step further and re-member them, find a spaceholder like Gabriela who is a specialist in her craft and in service of healing and go the next step.

Having done that, write about it and explore the new life, and let me know what you experience in your new life.

My edge and experiment right now is to Re-membering this experience and sensation in all of my 5 bodies, the feeling of being one, being complete, while acknowledging the potential to re-member the experience and sensation of being broken, disjointed.

Recognizing the power of choice and allowing my body's wisdom to speak and express itself.

Love, Kristoffer

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